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The concept of working on what is known as ORIGINAL PAIN involves having to re-experience original repressed feelings and emotions, in order to recover fully.It's recognised as a powerful healing process, allowing you to bring about a personal change in your life.
A major part of the healing process to recognise that within us all exists what is commonly known as the " Inner Child", and how he has been 'frozen'since then, unable to see or recognise a way forward.
So, working on that basis alone, it is clearly no one's fault that all of his emotions have been bound up in shame, guilt, anger, fear, and often, a hatred towards himself and others.
In order to heal fully, you must take a deep breath, trust yourself to come out of hiding and thereby learn to trust someone else.
A huge request to make, but one you should take right now, or at least begin.
Your inner child needs a friend to support him, and validate your neglect, abuse, and abandonment.
Why not allow him to join you now, instead of leaving him in the past, alone and afraid?
To give you some idea of how to do this, an excellent book to read on reclaiming the Inner Child is
HOMECOMING ... by John Bradshaw - Reclaiming The Child WithinThe full range of emotions.
The full ranges of emotions that you will experience, as part of this process are:
Shock and depression.
Shock is the beginning of grief, and depression is the logical emotion to set in.This often arises from when you first begin to speak about your past, and in doing so, your past becomes all too real again.
Denial often sets in, saying "it wasn't that bad".
"I must have enjoyed it".
"It must have been my fault".
"I asked for it".
"It felt good, it made me feel loved…".
Whatever occurs from now on, don't allow those negative thoughts to prevent you from healing.
Doing this is not going to be easy or pain free, but if those negative thoughts re-appear, don't allow the old emotions, mainly fear, shame, guilt, etc, to win you over again.
Here are just a few of those negative emotions that prevent your healing.
Anger. A legitimate response, and one that is often all-consuming. Don't allow this emotion to overwhelm you, or consume you to the point of hurting you again.
All too often, immense feelings of revenge will sweep over you.
Don't fight it, try to see where it comes from, and do something about that.
If you need to talk it over, do so, if you need to forget it for the time being, do so, and if you feel you need to do something about it, think again.
It’s a form of wasted energy that could be turned around and used to focus on your healing, not a process of hurting you again.
(See below)
Hurt and sadness. The process of hurt and sadness inflicted upon you can be overwhelming, but you can regain control over that.
You are able to stop the pain and sadness and you are capable of preventing these emotions from ruining your life forever.
It won't happen overnight, but you will be able to overcome the hurt and sadness.
Remorse. Guilt can be overcome.
Toxic shame and loneliness. Shame leads to loneliness, which leads to isolation, isolation breed's shame, which breed's loneliness….
All of which is damaging and negative. It's a "place" no one should have to go to, or stay.
You should never have to hide your true self.
These are just a few, but are all relevant emotions, they are all real and even more importantly, they are all recoverable from too.
Remember, you are important, you do count, and you are responsible for healing yourself.
All you need to do is ask for support, and in that process, you will find the real true you.
N.B. Just in case you missed what I was saying, here's the good news again, (there's no bad news) this process does involve a true healing process, and proves you can heal, regardless of what you may be thinking or feeling at present.
You have to believe that.