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If you are male and have been raped, either as a child or adult, you could well see yourself listed below, in thoughts and feelings and you even may experience some of them often or all at once.
A. SHOCK:
B. DENIAL:
A ) Depression/Guilt.
B ) "There wasn't a rape"
C) SHAME:
A ) Fear/Anxiety
D) "WILL I EVER BE SAFE AGAIN?:
A ) Anger
E) "IT's OK TO FEEL ANGRY:
A ) My anger is safe.
F) RECOGNISING ITS NOT YOUR FAULT:
A ) Feeling whole.
B ) Feeling in control of life
For survivors, whether as a child or adult, past or recent, it is also common to experience one or more of the following:
. Fearful
You may feel worried and disturbed that you were by the fact that you were unable to protect yourself during the rape, and should have put up more of a fight and stopped the rape, even though there may have been a weapon used, or more than one person involved in the rape.
You may start to question your masculinity and ability to be a "man" having had the control of his body taken by somebody else, you may also fear that others will discover that you were raped, or that a someone will 'see' that you have been sexually assaulted simply by looking at you.
You may feel guilty for"submitting" to an act because of the fear of injury or death, even though in reality, you know that submission does not equate consent. Remember you did whatever you had to do, in order to get away and survive.
If when being raped, you got an erection, maybe even cum/ejaculate or in some cases leak pre-cum, that alone may make you think that somehow you enjoyed what happened to you, but both of these responses are involuntary reactions to extreme stress, fear or stimulation. To get an erection never equals consent.
It can also confuse you sexually, leaving you to think that you are now gay or will become gay. This is not true. You may continue to express yourself sexually based on your sexual orientation prior to the assault. You may also feel a strong need to withdraw entirely from sexual relations.
Men get raped by other men
Rapists who rape men are heterosexual in 98% of the cases
We have grown up for the most part believing that only women are the victims of the sexual crime of rape. Basically any form of sexual abuse. Most of us are taught that grown men do not get raped and young boys are the only "Maybe" in our society.
If this is you let me be the one to tell you how wrong you've been taught.
Men go through almost identical issues as women do. With subtle changes due to their manhood as women have towards their feminism.
. Feelings of guilt
The issues which differ for the Males are:
Do Men Cry?
If we didn't have the ability to cry, we couldn't feel and we would all be vulnerable, wating for the next pain to arrive and the next and so on. Emotion helps us deal with depression, and crying helps us maintain our stress.
So do men cry? Some guys hold back the tears, worrying that they will be seen as weak and childish, but I can always see the tears hidden behind the eyes, glistening.
We all heal differently and it is factual that men do not show emotions quite like women but almost every male survivor I have ever known has cried at least once whilst in therapy, and have felt so much better for it. Its not a sign of weakness to cry
Only Gay Men Are Raped?
Numbers do not lie. Yes; gay men may be raped, but not ONLY gay or bisexual men are raped.
There is always the risk, that when taking any sexual risk to find a sex partner, that you may end up being targetted to be raped because you are gay/bisexual.
Being raped or abused sexually is no different to those men who are straight, but there are a few important differences.
You might feel that because of your sexual orientation, you are to blame for the assault. You may also feel traumatised if a woman sees you as a challenge and attempts to sexually assault you, or if the assault includes acts you are scared of or inexperienced with.
Want to report the rape? Not sure what will happen when you do?
As part of the reporting process, you will be requested to undergo a rectal examination, as well as being examined for lacerations and other injuries. If oral penetration occurred, the doctor may need to take a swab for any possible STI's. (Sexually Transmitted Infections.)
It is important to know that all of the above are a natural part of the recovery from sexual abuse and rape, and that although recovery can be difficult, it is not impossible. Support during this time is very important, as you will, in many ways re-experience it again in the form of flashbacks, nightmares, heightened startle response, intrusive thoughts etc.
Whether you have experienced any of the above signs, for short or long periods of time, therapy can help in healing.
Sexual assault and rape impacts on almost every area of your life including feelings about yourself, your relationships with your partner and family, social relationships, and possibly challenges at work. Therapy is very effective in promoting recovery and limiting the after-effects of sexual assault as much as possible.
How does therapy help?
First off, enter any interview with a counsellor or therapist, with the knowledge that you are interviewing THEM, and checking to see if they can help YOU.
The specific approach to therapy is usually determined by the therapist's training and theoretical framework. When interviewing potential therapists, do not hesitate to ask about how they think therapy is helpful in recovery from trauma.
Having said that, therapy can help by providing a safe place for you to work through feelings of anger, fear, helplessness, and grief that can lead to feeling overwhelmed, isolated, or wanting to "numb out." In addition, a therapist experienced in working with sexual assault can help you to consider other factors that may be making your recovery more complicated such as:
· beliefs about the sexual assault
B ) Embarrassment
C ) Disorientation (Experience of police, court and hospital may prolong this)
C ) "It was just a rape"
D ) "I can't handle this"
E ) Not wanting to tell anyone
F ) "No one will understand"
G ) "I can't live with myself"
H ) "This won't bother or affect me"
I ) Not wanting to tell anyone
J ) "It will go away if I don't think about it"
B ) "I wish I were dead"
C ) "I could have stopped it"
D ) "I could have stopped it"
E ) "I think I'm going crazy"
F ) "I shouldn't feel this way"
G ) "I could have prevented it"
H ) "I asked for it somehow" ~ Self-blame
I ) "I'll never feel better again" ~ Hopelessness
J ) "He didn't really mean to hurt me" ~ Feeling that anger is wrong
B ) Nightmares
C ) Flashbacks
D ) Feelings of vulnerability
E ) "Will I ever trust again?"
F ) "Will I ever enjoy sex again?"
G ) "Will I ever get over this?"
H ) "Can people tell I've been raped?"
I ) "Will I ever have a healthy relationship again?"
C ) Anger at rapist.
G ) Reacceptance of Self
D ) Anger at not having control
E ) Anger at society and men in general
F ) Anger at others because they don't understand
B ) Anger at the system e.g.police, court, state attorney, etc.
C ) Recognising your own efforts kept you alive
D ) Channeling anger into your career, exercise, helping others, etc.
E ) Recognising that you are still you, regardless of your assault
F ) Accepting the source of your anger, not judging your own angry feelings
G ) Recognising that you didn't choose to be raped, you were a victim of circumstance
· Nightmares
· Tearfulness
· Feeling unsafe
. Startling easily
· Flashbacks of the incident
· Difficulty concentrating
· Flashbacks of the incident
· Anxiety regarding or lack of interest in sex
· Physical symptoms i.e. headaches, gastro-intestinal distress, etc.
Both homosexual and heterosexual men get raped
In all parts of society (not just in prisons)
Men are less likely to report rape
. Powerless
. Concern regarding their safety
. Denial
. Shock
. Anger
. Depression
. Anxiety
. Concerns about sexuality and/or masculinity
. Reporting to law enforcement
. Telling others
. Finding resources and support
Some men are more able to cry more often than others and some are able to show their emotions. It's all a matter of healing.
· past experiences with violence
· recent loses i.e. divorce, death of someone close to you, job stress, illness, etc.
· history of sexual abuse during childhood
· underlying depression
· underlying anxiety disorder
· eating disorders and/or problems with body image